Thursday, May 27, 2010

How George Lucas Ruined Star Wars

Yeah, yeah, you've heard it all before and seen it all before but here's the thing... I used to be a big Star Wars fan. In point of fact, if it hadn't been for Marvel's Star Wars comic books I probably wouldn't have gotten into comic books at all.

A lot of things went into my disillusionment... Lucas continually tinkering with the original trilogy (and by that I mean the three movies which were released in the late 1970's through the early 1980's) and re-releasing them onto DVD at a rate of about every year, expanding the universe of characters to beyond Star Trek levels and, most of all.... the prequel movies.

Gluh. The prequel movies!! I won't touch the issues most people talked about (the bad acting, the horrible characters, the stilted dialogue) instead, I'm going to focus on just a few ways that Lucas's inability to stop tinkering with his masterpiece ended up retroactively screwing up the originals... And really, the man CREATED this universe, how flippin' hard was it for him to NOT create these plot holes?!

Number One: Nobody knows Amidala's carrying twins. Here was a case where Lucas was actually trying so hard to keep to his original plot that he instead created an entirely different bit of stupidity. Darth Vader didn't know he had two kids. When watching the original trilogy it was easy to just assume that Anakin Skywalker left his love either before knowing she was pregnant or with her being in the early stages of pregnancy before the twins were discovered. Lucas just had to have Anakin around right up to practically the end of Amidala's pregnancy and the both of them refering to "our baby"... singular. WE in this day and age have had technologies for decades which would have picked up on the presence of twins and yet a far more advanced society with robots and laser weapons and interstellar lightspeed travel does NOT have this capability. Either that or Amidala is a poor mother who doesn't bother to get ANY pre-natal care. Either way you slice it, it's stupid.

Number Two: The droids. Just ignoring the stupidity of Anakin Skywalker building a protocol droid (seriously, he and his mother are practically slaves and he's going to build a protocol droid instead of something that could maybe help with the work?!), ignoring the huge, impossible to swallow, coincidence that R2-D2 and C-3PO would STILL be together after more than 18 years, There is the fact that Obi-Wan doesn't recognize them when he sees them with Luke in "A New Hope" (and dear God, I hate the fact that I have to call it 'A New Hope' just to make it clear which movie I'm talking about. I wish I could go back to just calling it "Star Wars"). Luke already thinks R2-D2 was stolen there was no need to Obi-Wan to say "I've never owned a droid like this". He could have said "No, it isn't mine but it does belong to a friend of mine", etc. but no, he doesn't know R2 or 3PO but he's got a pretty good idea where they came from.

Number Three: Leia remembered her mother. She told Luke that she didn't have very many memories of her real mother as the woman died when Leia was still very young. Yet we see Amidala die shortly after childbirth!

Number Four: THIS is the big one. This is the one that cheeses me off. Obi-Wan Kenobi knows Chewbacca. Now think about the scene in the Mos Eisley cantina.... No matter which way you slice it, Han Solo got played by Chewie. Even if we accept the huge, massive, choking coincidence that Obi-Wan manages to find the one bar where Chewie just HAPPENS to be right at the time he HAPPENS to be there it STILL doesn't mitigate the fact that Obi-Wan knows Chewie. So Obi-Wan tells them their plight and Chewie goes to Han and says what? Obviously, he didn't tell Han the TRUTH. So Chewie lies, or at best omits certain data in order to get Han to take the job. And if we DON'T accept that Obi-Wan running into Chewie was a coincidence -- if, as seems likely, he found some way of contacting him -- then that just adds to the betrayal since Chewie was therefore manipulating Han and luring him into the situation right from the start.

So way to go George Lucas. With three lousy prequel movies you managed to screw up three OTHER movies which were perfectly fine on their own.

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