Doctor Who Grab Bag Reviews: "The Two Doctors"

It's an open secret that my favorite Doctor is the Second one and my favorite companion is Jamie McCrimmon (what?! Dude went into action wearing a kilt AND he had the legs for it too -- you don't get better than that) so, of course, a story that reunites by favorite Doctor-Companion duo should be at the top of my list right?

Wrong.

"The Two Doctors" is one of my least favorites... a train wreck of a story in which nearly everything that could go wrong did go wrong...

It all began two years earlier with 1983's "The Five Doctors". Jonathan Nathan-Turner, seeing the boon that a multi-Doctor story could be to the ratings was almost immediately interested in producing another one. In addition to that he had been impressed with both how well the Patrick Troughton had slipped back into his character of the Second Doctor and the easy working relationship and genuine camaraderie between Troughton and Fraser Hines who played Jamie McCrimmon. At the time of "The Five Doctors" Hines had only had time for a small cameo but J N-T hoped to lure him back to do a full episode alongside Troughton.

By the mid-1980's the Doctor Who veterans had discovered the American fan base and vice-versa. The show had become a minor cult-hit in the U.S. thanks to a combination of syndication and showings on American PBS stations (which is where I discovered the show way back when). Doctor Who conventions were starting to spring up in the States and many of the people who had been or were currently involved with the show had begun traveling "across the pond" for the conventions. J N-T began to see this as the perfect time to propose a joint effort between the BBC and the American company which was syndicating the show.

In 1985 J N-T managed to secure an assurance from the American company that they would be able to cover expenses for Doctor Who to fly to the United States and film an episode set in New Orleans, Louisiana. As such, J N-T hired long-time Doctor Who writer Robert Holmes to write a script to match. In point of fact, J N-T gave Holmes a laundry list of things to squeeze into the script -- the current Sixth Doctor and his companion, Peri, the Second Doctor and his companion, Jamie, a new alien race that had some connection to New Orleans, and Holmes was also to throw long-time villains the Sontarans in for good measure... just because. Needless to say, Holmes was not really pleased at being hampered by all of the elements he had to add.

Meanwhile, J N-T got both Patrick Troughton and Fraser Hines on board. Troughton had reportedly had a wonderful time filming "The Five Doctors" and was eager to do it again and he and Hines were old friends and co-workers and both were also looking forward to working together again.

Holmes, being a vegetarian, decided to focus the story around food and carnivorism and apparently planned to die this into the cuisine of New Orleans. As such his new alien race, the Androgums, was an anagram for gourmand.

At the last minute, however, it turned out that the American money would not be there after all and the BBC could not foot the bill for a New Orleans filming. Having filmed in Amsterdam for the Fifth Doctor story "Arc of Infinity" and in Lanzarote for "Planet of Fire" also for the Fifth Doctor, J N-T was reluctant to let go of the idea of filming somewhere other than Great Britain. After several ideas fell through Seville, Spain was settled on.

The change in setting required some adjustments to the script and caused several things to not come off as well as they might have otherwise. Also, the shoot ended up with limited locations to choose from and many of the crew ended up on-camera acting as extras in several of the scenes.

And in the end... it really wasn't worth it and now we get to delve in and see why...

The Plot: The Second Doctor and his companion, Jamie, are sent by the Time Lords to the science research space station Camera in order to discuss the worrying experiments of two scientists who are studying time travel. The Doctor argues with his old friend, Camera's head of research, Dastari over the potential dangers of the time travel experiments. While there the Doctor encounters the station chef -- a member of a race known as Androgums, who tend to be nasty, brutish, violent, omnivores -- and another Androgum named Chessene, whom Dastari has genetically altered and augmented to become a genius -- something else that worries the Doctor. He has a right to be worried because Chessene has made a deal with the warring Sontarans to turn over the space station to them....

Elsewhere, the Sixth Doctor and Peri are trying to enjoy a little peace and quiet for a change when suddenly the Doctor has some kind of seizure. Feeling strange, the Doctor decides to visit Dastari to see if the scientist can detect anything wrong.

The Doctor and Peri arrive on Camera only to find it a charnel house -- all of the personnel have been slaughtered. The computer indicates the Time Lords were responsible but the Doctor cannot believe this and is determined to discover the truth. As he and Peri search the station for clues they find the sole survivor of the carnage... Jamie.

The Doctor soon realizes that his previous self has been kidnapped and he knows that it can be for no good purpose. Fearing that someone is planning on using his earlier incarnation to unlock the secret of time travel, the Sixth Doctor, Peri, and Jamie follow the trail to Seville, Spain and set out to rescue the Doctor. Little do they realize they are up against the brilliant mind of Chessene which has been wedded to an insane ambition. Chessene wants to rule the universe and she will use and discard anyone along the way -- Sontarans, Dastari and even Time Lords...

My Take: And that right above is just one reason why this episode doesn't stand up. Four paragraphs just to explain the plot and that's with me actually leaving out a lot of the subplots! At this time Doctor Who had shed the tradition of four half-hour episodes in favor of two 45 minute episodes per story but "The Two Doctors", being a 'special' episode, runs to three 45 minute episodes. Even with the extra time there's more plot here than is strictly necessary.

Then there are the Androgums. I have friends who are vegetarians and I myself often cook and eat vegetarian fare (although don't you dare try to take cheese from me -- I will stab you with a fork) but Holmes' script, with it's depictions and descriptions of meat eating and cooking are really just bad. If he intended it to be an advertisement for vegetarian eating he failed grandly because it is so blatant and over-the-top in it's indictment of meat eating it has the opposite effect. I almost want to sit and eat a raw steak just to spite the memory of Robert Holmes when I watch this story. Doctor Who has taken on vegetarianism in the past -- "The Green Death" for example is about not only environmentalism but healthier eating as well -- but without being this... derogatory about it.

On top of all of that Holmes seems to have caught the 'bickering bug'. Not only do the Sixth Doctor and Peri do their usual round of whining and picking on one another but there's quite a bit of it between the Second Doctor and Jamie -- something that really did not happen very often in the original run. There is probably more bickering between the Doctor and Jamie in the first 20 minutes of this story than there was in the whole three year run of the duo in the 1960's.
The tone of the story is also so far off the mark it could cause an earache. The Sixth Doctor's tenure often was criticized for excessive violence. To be fair, many of the criticisms laid were unfounded or uncalled for but here the story veers wildly from comedy to violence without warning and it just isn't handled well. There is also at least one death which serves no earthly purpose except to just be a death and there is also quite a bit of blood which is really uncalled for. Also, many criticize the Doctor's callous killing of the Androgum Shockeye but that is actually reasonably within character... the problem is the Doctor's casual, James Bond-like witticism about the killing. That's just not the Doctor -- he'll take a life if he has to but he shouldn't seem to enjoy it or crack jokes about it.

Perhaps the worst sin of all is the fact that, after J N-T went though all the trouble to get Hines and Troughton back together for this story, the duo spend the bulk of it separated. Hines's Jamie spends most of the story running around with Colin Baker's Sixth Doctor and there just isn't that much chemistry between the two actors. Not necessarily their fault -- after all chemistry is often something that is either there or it isn't and nothing can make it appear if it isn't there but to bypass Hines and Troughton's proven chemistry for this is bad plotting.

The plot aside, the story is also hit and miss on the special effects. The work for the space station Camera is actually pretty good overall. A lot of times the more futuristic sets don't age well but the work done for the sets here still looks fairly futuristic twenty-five years on. Many of the locations in Seville also look pretty good and do allow the show to get out of it's British focus for a while. The costumes for the Sontarans, though are just awful. For one thing the Sontarans are too tall and slender -- they were established a long time ago and rather short and squat -- powerfully built warriors -- here they just look like lanky, potato heads. As if that were not bad enough, the masks were ill-fitting and therefore muffle the actors' voices so they sound like they're talking through dish towels and on close-ups it is clearly visible that the mouths do not move on the masks and you can see the actors' lips moving behind the masks. Even by Doctor Who standards this is poor. Also, pity Nicola Bryant who is stuffed into more revealing clothes than usual, not to mention the fact that they are VERY 1980's and not in a good way, and has to run around on uneven ground in high heels... again. In the commentary Bryant also explains that the shimmery top she was wearing initially had no lining in it and under the hot Spanish sun it conducted heat like aluminum foil and burned her skin. And the less said about Dastari's Elton john-influenced glasses the better.

On the acting front... well, despite the poor script, Troughton and Hines do a bang-up job with what they have. The bickering aside, J N-T was right in that the rapport and real-life friendship between the two actors just comes through the characters beautifully and one might be fooled into thinking that virtually no time at all had passed since they last worked together.

The actor playing Shockeye is a bit too over-the-top to ever really take seriously. He's supposed to be menacing and creepy but instead he seems laughable and silly. Chessene, played by Jacqueline Pierce, is far better. She projects a perfectly haughty character and she pitches Chessene's ambitions well also. Pierce's casting, however, was something of a "stunt", however, as Pierce was well known to British sci-fi fans for playing the villainous Servalan in the series Blake's 7. Many cannot help but compare the two roles and so her Chessene often comes across as lacking to those who have seen both. Dastari is little more than a cypher and the actor emotes about as much as cricket and does little to try to add anything to the character.

As for Colin Baker and Nicola Bryant as the Doctor and Peri... eh... They're very 'meh' here. Baker and Bryant have turned in worse performances but the script doesn't do them any favors and the bickering has, by this point, gotten rather old.

"The Two Doctors" is interesting in that it is one of only a handful of stories where the Doctor met up with other incarnations of himself, it would also be the last multi-Doctor story to air on TV and it was also, sadly, the last Doctor Who Patrick Troughton did. Troughton had wanted to come back and do another story -- only this time he wanted to do the story secretly -- appearing under mask or heavy make-up as an alien but he passed away of a fatal heart attack in 1987 before he had the chance to return.

There is little here to recommend the story but it stands up to at least one viewing out of either curiosity's sake or nostalgia for the Troughton - Hines era. There are a few scenes which work well and showcase all of the talents involved and once you figure those out you can pretty much just view "The Two Doctors" for the "greatest hits" portion of the story. If, however, you choose to skip it you won't be missing much.

Trivia: WARNING: Curse word used in the following trivia note. Turn away if it bothers you...


In the second episode a little over 18 minutes into the episode after the Doctor insults Peri you can clearly see Nicola Bryant mouth the word "asshole" at the Doctor.

Grab Bag Reviews: "Timelash"

The episode that everybody loves to hate. If there were ever a contest for the 'Worst Doctor Who Story' it would probably come down to this one or "The Twin Dilemma"... another Sixth Doctor story.

As I've mentioned elsewhere, Colin Baker's tenure as the Doctor was part of a very turbulent time in the show's history. There were conflicts and controversies and much of the time the scripts were often running later due to last-minute re-writes. "Timelash" was no exception.

The story underwent numerous re-writes before the final product went before the cameras. Sadly, the story suffers greatly and is not helped by the attempts to make it a 'budget saving' episode.

The Plot: On the planet Karfel some of the population have grown increasingly disturbed by the actions of their leader, known as the Borad. The Borad seems to be heading them down the path of a police state -- with the population constantly under surveillance. He is also pushing them closer to war with their planetary neighbor, home of the Bandrils.

One young council member, Vena, acts to try to stop the Borad and for her troubles is sent down an unstable time corridor called the Timelash. Along the way she passes the TARDIS, which has gotten caught up in the Timelash's path and thrown to Karfel.

The Sixth Doctor and his companion, Peri, arrive and the Doctor startlingly reveals that he's been to Karfel once before in his Third incarnation. He finds the planet much changed and does not like what he sees. The Borad, however, is delighted since Vena took with her an important amulet and now he intends to use the Doctor to go after Vena and get the amulet back. In order to force the Doctor's hand the Borad orders Peri captured.

With no choice, the Doctor tracks Vena to Earth in the 19th century and also ends up picking up a stowaway -- the young dreamer, Herbert. The Doctor intends to return to Karfel and put things right but little does he realize the true nature of the Borad... and just what the Borad's twisted aims are for Karfel...

My Take: *Takes a deep breath* Okay, here goes... This story isn't all as bad as it's painted. *Waits for someone to start throwing rotten fruit*

As someone who often doesn't like the characterization of the arrogant, argumentative Sixth Doctor the script here actually manages to favor Colin Baker -- shaving off some of the worst of the sharp edges and actually allowing him to show a bit of charm and genuine humor. There are also several sequences where (gasp) the Doctor actually is allowed to show some genuine concern and liking for Peri instead of the usual constant bickering.

Unfortunately, Baker is the one who gets off the best here and the rest of the cast suffers. Well, okay, maybe not completely suffers but it ranges from mediocre to bad. Companion Peri screams a lot gets captured, gets rescued, gets captured, gets rescued, etc., etc., etc. and generally doesn't actually have anything to DO in the plot except be a Damsel in Distress. Ugh. Vena is simply yet another stock character. She acts as an exposition unit at times and provides the 'noble stance in the face of overwhelming odds' schtick which really turns her into more of an object than a character. Herbert is written as an eager puppy dog and the actor playing him pushes it a little too far... to the point where it would be fair to compare him to one of those small, hyperactive puppies which quickly go from being "cute" to "annoying". Most of the rest of the cast follows suit with rebel forces who are suitably... rebellious... again, without ever becoming actual characters rather than archetypes, and craven cowards who are simply craven. It's all very predictable... and therefore dull.

And then there is actor Paul Darrow. The thing which gets mentioned the most about this story. Darrow was and remains famous in cult science fiction circles for playing the duplicitous character Avon on the heralded British sci-fi series Blake's 7. Although I will admit to you all that I've never actually gotten around to watching the series myself. They're probably going to take away my cult sci-fi geek membership card for that admission.

Many viewers at the time would have likely recognized and known Darrow from his previous role when this story aired but surprisingly Darrow is not the true villain here. He is an over-the-top, slimy, bootlicker to the main villain instead. I'll give Darrow this -- he's obviously having a good time playing the role of Tekker since he gives each one of his lines a dramatic delivery -- but the result is a character that is actually amusing rather than threatening. Darrow nails the slimy tone perfectly. Too bad the slime trail is all that one remembers of the character on screen.
Then there is the Borad... There is a pretty good hook here -- the idea of a scientist mutated by his experimentations and gone mad. It's the stuff of comic book supervillains but here it just never quite works. It's hard for me to put my finger on... perhaps it is because the ending to the episode makes the whole thing fall apart and turns the Borad into something boring. The make-up designs for the character are really not that bad for the time period ,and considering that everything else in this story got scrimped on, but the character never quite reaches the heights (or depths as the case may be) for memorable villainy. He isn't crazy enough, he isn't rant-y enough, he isn't evil enough, he isn't sinister enough, he just never makes you... intimidated by himself. He never even really makes the Doctor intimidated by him... and that's a kiss of death. Viewers often take their cues from the Doctor and/or his companion and when the Doctor isn't afraid of a situation the audience isn't afraid either.

"Timelash" also suffers from it's mediocre to bad script. The story itself would not have been too bad if it had had the good grace to end with the defeat of the main villain. But no, it adds a second ending and then it adds a THIRD ending on. And by that third ending things are getting really, really silly and pushing credulity past the breaking point. I mean, one word here: clones. Seriously, ANY time clones are involved it's a bad sign. There have been a few shows and movies to pull off clone stories well but by and large it's bad and here, where it's all thrown into a mash in the last five minutes of the story?! No.

Then there are the budgetary constraints. Trying to save money on "Timelash" ultimately hurt the story greatly. Many of the costumes are simply ugly, some are laughable -- like the Guardoliers whose uniforms seem to consist of canvas coveralls and a beekeeper's hat with netting.

Making the whole story studio bound shows badly since the overlit sets look fakey and there are long scenes which just take place in rooms to keep the sets down. There is also a bit of corridor running and it was amusing and perhaps a little tongue-in-cheek when Peri tells one of officials touring her around that "All these corridors look the same to me."

And then there is the Christmas tinsel. It's everywhere. It's used in everything. Most noticeably the "entrance" to the Timelash is basically a curtain of silver Christmas tinsel with some strobe lights flashing on it. It's ridiculous and it ruins the story. Wobbly sets are one thing but THIS is a whole other level... down.

And we wont even mention the fact that the one Bandril which appears is so obviously a hand puppet it isn't even funny and the one Morlox monster we see is equally puppety.

In the end, eehhhh... I can't really say I can recommend "Timelash" but I don't like NOT recommending it because there are some really good bits here. Colin Baker gets some nice lines, such as when he tells Vena "I show little mercy to tyrants" (What, you thought it started with the Tenth Doctor and his "No second chances"?), and the script has the Doctor REALLY acting like the Doctor for a change.

In the end I would say that if you can be tolerant of some crap it's worth seeing "Timelash" at least once to hit some of the high points.

Grab Bag Reviews: "Vengeance on Varos"

You know, this one's a bit misnamed since it really doesn't end up involving much "vengeance" but... hey, yay for alliteration!

It should also be noted that when the twenty-first season started the decision was made to move away from the traditional serial format of four half-hour episodes and instead to go to two forty-five minute episodes. This story was only the second in the new format and it met quite a bit of resistance from viewers.

The Plot: The TARDIS gets stranded in space and the Sixth Doctor discovers the only way to fix the problem is to acquire a rare mineral called Zeiton 7. And Zeiton 7 is primarily found on a planet called Varos so, using the last of the TARDIS's power, the Doctor and his companion Peri arrive on Varos.

Unfortunately for them they arrive early in Varos's development and they find a brutal planet where there are only the 'haves' and the 'have-nots'. Corruption is rampant, the planet is under the economic thumb of an alien mining company, the lower classes are slowly starving and Governor must ask the people for a vote on all of his decisions and if the people do not approve he is exposed to a beam which painfully damages his cellular structure. Too many times under the beam will prove fatal and the current Governor is nearing the end of his strength.

In order to keep the people in line and pacified the government has turned brutality into entertainment. Criminals and dissidents are executed or tortured on camera and the images transmitted into every home. There is even a game where those who speak out against the government are placed in a labyrinth of deadly traps and forced to run the gauntlet in hopes of reaching freedom on the other side. None make it and the people of Varos are encouraged to eagerly watch every step of the way.

When the Doctor and Peri interrupt the execution of one of the rebels -- Jondar -- they soon find themselves embroiled in Varos's problems... and running the maze of death for their own survival. The Doctor must change Varos itself against high stakes for if he fails his companion's life is forfeit as well as the lives of his new found rebel friends and an entire planet will continue on crushed under a corporate heel and living in darkness.

My Take: While the writer's original concern with this episode had been the phenomenon of "snuff films" (something that actually still crops up in mentions today) and it has quite a bit in common with the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie The Running Man the story resonates even more powerfully today with the continuing concept of the "reality TV show". Sure, modern reality TV doesn't kill people but shows like American Idol deliberately show people trying out for the competition who cannot sing a lick just so that they can be ridiculed when you get right down to it. And there have been those who watched the show primarily for judge Simon Cowell and took great delight when he would critically rip a singer apart. So there is still that undercurrent of delighting in the tearing down of others.

The episode also touches on the old, Roman idea of "bread and circuses" -- politicians would give away cheap bread and provide low class amusements to the populace in an attempt to both pacify them and win votes. Those circuses often consisted of things like chariot races, which in ancient times were without rules or pity -- fast races in which there were often crashes and bloody, fatal crashes at that. Here the idea of the "circuses" has been transformed into television programs in which people die violently for entertainment.

The episode was not without it's controversy. Even though the purpose was to show the terribleness of violence and the harm of desensitizing people to violence the story was criticized for the amount of violence it had. There were accusations that, in a certain scene, the Doctor pushed a guard into an acid bath. It is clear, upon viewing, however, that this is not the case and the guard is actually pulled in by a compatriot who fell in previously but the Doctor's rather callous and cold reaction to the carnage (topped off with a bon mot no less) is somewhat in bad taste for the character.

The script for this one is also stronger in that it keeps the usual bickering between the Doctor and his companion Peri to a minimum. In point of fact, this is probably the most caring and concerned we've seen the Doctor toward Peri since Baker's tenure began.

Baker's performance is solid but one can see that Bryant is still learning and isn't quite as strong in the role. Also, as an American, I can safely attest that Bryant's so-called American accent is really quite wobbly -- which isn't fun to listen to. Trivia buffs will also be pleased to note that Jason Connery -- son of Sean Connery -- is here in one of his first TV roles as Jondar. Like Baker he's solid but he is hampered by not being given much to do in the second installment. Still, he's easy on the eyes and spends a chunk of the first episode shirtless so I'm not going to complain (hey, I'm a chick, I'm entitled to occasionally objectify men).

On the villain side, Martin Jarvis as the Governor turns in a lovely performance. Even when he begins as the seeming villain he infuses the part with an underlying nobility and as the story progresses more and more of that nobility comes shining through. It is strange and a bit of a shame that his character is never given a name, merely credited as "the Governor".

Also on the brilliant villain side is Nabil Shaban who plays the alien, corporate mining representative, Sil. Shaban suffers from a condition which left his legs underdeveloped but this has not stopped him from making a career as an actor and writer. Here he crafts a character that is so larger-than-life, slimy-evil he fairly walks away with the whole story. He does a great job at taking the idea of the callous, corporate raider type prevalent in the 1980's and transferring it into an alien form.

The bad thing is that there are even MORE villains in this story! There is the Chief Officer (yet another character never given a proper name, only a title) who schemes with Sil to see the Governor fall with plans to take his place, and the mad scientist Quillam who delights in suffering. In point of fact, Quillam seems the most like a traditional Doctor Who villain but he only comes into all his villainous glory towards the end -- too late to really do anything with him. The actor playing the Chief Officer turns in a steady but unremarkable performance but the actor playing Quillam really sinks his teeth into the part when he is actually given something to do. Which makes it sad that he was not given more to do.

The villains are one area where the story falls down -- so many of them make things a bit unfocused -- we're never sure exactly who we're supposed to be boo-ing for, when and why. It also means that we never get a really strong, central figure to hate or fear. Sil, while entertaining, is never really threatening and his evil is the kind of evil of white collar criminals -- the evil of Bernie Madoff, the evil of the corporate raider who is only interested in how much he can get out of something, how far down he can drive the price for HIS company and damn the consequences for everyone else just so long as HE makes the biggest profit he can. Summed up, I guess it's the "Evil of Selfishness". And that kind of evil... well, it makes you angry but it doesn't make you SCARED. The best candidate for the 'scary villain' role was Quillam but, as I mentioned before, his character is largely wasted.

The story also falls down on special effects. This entire episode was filmed in the studio and as such there is a lot of corridor running (something that is often a sign of poor budget or padding out a short episode) and it gets a bit boring. Peri gets captured... a couple of times. Yawn. There is a little electric go-cart thing the guards ride around in that is laughable -- mostly because a snail could beat it in a race, and there is an overabundance of what I call "stupid guard syndrome". You know, guards who walk right past the people they are chasing and yet never seem to see them, the inability to hit a target that is five feet in front of them, etc.

Despite the faults and flaws, "Vengeance on Varos" is actually extremely watchable. There are some really good performances turned in, there are some great lines of dialog and the story itself holds up well to the passage of some 25 years. In many ways it has found a new way to resonate with the modern idea of reality TV.

Also, I don't always mention the DVD extras but here they are MORE than worth the listen. Baker and Bryant banter well together and are very comfortable with one another after the passage of years. It offers a little glimpse into how good these two could have been on-screen together if the scripts had been less focused on argumentativeness and Baker and Bryant had been allowed more control over shaping their characters. Both actors also dish some dirt about what was going on behind the cameras at the time which give some new insight into their time on the series.

If you watch no other Sixth Doctor story then at least watch this one, it's worth the time spent.